So today I'm going to do something different. First of all let me start by saying I started writing a book and the combo of writing a feature and a book has me wanting to smoke again. I swear I only smoke when I write so these damn black and milds are calling my name. Honestly, I don't feel like blogging but I don't feel like working (writing) at 1:30am with class in the morning.
So basically what I'm going to do different is blog song lyrics. This is a song by Joe Budden: a seriously underrated rapper. This song is called Do Tell and it's probably the most relatable song I've ever heard. You should seriously go get his debut self titled album from 2003 and then his Mood Muzik collection: it ranges from 1: The worst of Joe Budden to 4: can it get any worse. He also has a therapy series with names like Padded Room, Halfway House, Escape Route, and Great Escape. This song comes off his Padded Room album. Just check the lyrics
Tell my mother I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt her//
But even when I did, I never meant to take it further//
Tell my father I love him, dot dot etcetera//
He used to give me advice like a plethora//
I tried to find myself, but I was your replica//
I mean, I only tried to be what you never was//
Tell my older brother I'm bad at being a brother//
I know I never told you just how highly I think of ya//
Tell my grandmother she always was a friend to me//
I would have visited more if I wasn't so into me//
Tell my son I think his mother is an asshole//
When he gets older, he'll understand how that goes//
Tell my hood I left, not for greed or wealth//
I did it for my own sanity to keep my health//
I tried to bring a few with me, hoping we could cash in//
But all they said was I didn't help them in a timely fashion//
Tell music she saved me when shit was adverse//
My first love, I'd give my life if it would save hers//
Tell my friends: each one//
They taught me how to be one//
I owe to them part of everything I've become//
Tell fame I don't want it//
Now I keep it a hundred//
I tried my best to go get him, but the asshole fronted//
So I lie dormant//
Living through torment//
Tell cops I got warrants, I don't warrant//
Tell the therapist I never thought I'd get here//
Somebody ask love why she didn't want to live here//
Tell my heart it's got a lot of pride//
Anybody thinking they know me, I apologize//
Grandpa's 80 plus, still being strong//
Tell the fake ones to keep on keeping on//
Faithfully, tell anybody that hated me//
Basically, all they really did was motivated me//
They say I'm difficult so to put it simply//
Tell the world I never cared it was against me//
Tell God to be there in case I fall//
Tell the fans I never jipped them, I always gave them my all//
Tell my girl she put me through it//
But if I had to go through it with anybody, I'm thankful its her//
Tell every member of my family//
For too long I hid behind my own insanity.. It got me caught up//
Can somebody tell money that I changed him to the death//
I thought I was going to catch him but I ran out of breath//
Tell my bruises I'm good I'm fine, I normally heal quick//
Tell the rain come down, I'd like to feel it//
I asked God to give me a hand. But he wouldn't//
I kept telling myself I can't. and then I couldn't//
If people want to kill me, tell them I already died//
Tell everybody that will listen, I tried//
Til the water ran dry//
Tell the tears to get the fuck out my eyes//
Tell the crust it tastes great, but I would rather have the pie//
Ask success what I got to do to succeed//
Tell my younger brother I look at him like my seed//
You will be the mouths I feed//
If our father ever tells me how to get rid of this greed//
Tell him that I'm grown. But really I'm not finished growing//
Tell failure I didn't want to get to know him//
Tell the stick up kids to come and get me//
Tell the stereotypes I tried them on, they didn't fit me//
Tell whoever I wronged that I apologize//
Tell the bumps in the road that I got to ride//
They tell me I got a lot of pride//
I tell them how the fuck you going to tell me what I got inside//
They tell me life is what you make it//
Thats when I tell them I beg to differ.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Last Chance Run
I never thought I would be a sports writer. But honestly, its combining two of my favorite things so why the hell not? The only good thing about fall is the start of basketball and football season.. I'm talking to you SCHOOL.. and so I'm kinda excited about it this year. The football season is almost as unpredictable as the happiness of Brad and Angelina but a lot more interesting, which is why I tend to lead towards liking basketball more. Also, theres a cycle in basketball that you don't see in football. A team sucks so they do well in the draft lottery. Two years with a couple top five picks later, and the team is all of a sudden a contender. I'm talking to you Chicago and Oklahoma City. But with football, you don't really get that. You could be drafting Ryan Leaf or Ronnie Brown as a number one pick or Tom Brady as the 217th pick, you just never know in football.
So my next post might be about the cycle of a team, but for right now just go with me. It's a big year change for basketball: a lot of young teams are coming in and a lot of old teams are losing their stardom. I may talk about the young teams that are on their way up (*cough cough. Knicks. cough cough*) but this specific one is about the teams that are on their way out and need to make this season their best for a last chance title run.
Los Angeles Lakers
Phil Jackson is retiring at the end of this year. He has 11 rings, he's never coming back. He only came back this year because he wants to be the only coach EVER in ANY SPORT to say he has four 3-peats. That's right, FOUR. He's won the championship three times in a row four times. Thats kind of crazy.
Side Note: seriously, why aren't more teams incorporating the triangle offense. Get a Nikon and Bill Belichick that shit.
Kobe Bryant is 32, Pau Gasol is 30, and Derek Fisher is 36; and Derek is also thinking about asking for a trade to go to the Heat. fuckin' trader. I'm not even a Laker fan and I despise that. You've been on the team for your whole career, its not like you've never won one. YOU HAVE FIVE. and you'll probably get the sixth.
But anyway, the Lakers are aging and don't have a successor. Sasha Vuya-whatever is a flop and Lamar Odom fell off just shy of what Eddy Curry did. The Lakers are going to take five-ten years to reinvent their whole roster. But with the team they have now, they have a last chance run.
Boston Celtics
First off, I hate you Boston. I'm a Knick and Yankee fan so I hate everything about Boston. So on the bright side, Ray Allen is 35, KG is 34, Pierce is 33, and Shaq is 65.. but their silver lining is Rondo, Perkins, and Big Baby: who all come in at under 25. Rondo is arguably the number 1 PG in the league, but he can't do it by himself. The problem is Rondo's competitive nature and small stature will always make them a playoff team but as a bottom seed. So they are always going to be .500 and never get good draft picks. Remember the 20-something years when you guys sucked after Ron Mercer? Its coming back after this season.
Phoenix Suns
Amare left. YESSSSS!!! He's a Knick. and Nash is like 36. He plays like he's 26 but that wont last forever. After this season he's going to fall off, especially with NO HELP. I doubt you'll get to the West Finals again so honestly, last year was your last chance. I'm sorry Nash, you can come to the Knicks for a year if you want. We'll trade you for Eddy Curry since you guys need a center.
Dallas Mavericks
Honestly, the number one do or die team. They haven't done it in a while. Dirks like 35, Kidd's like 37, and the bench is all in their 30s. Mark Cuban doesn't have a single player younger than he is. Speaking of Mark, I don't think he's actually aggressively made a huge roster change in years. He's signed players and filled positions like bringing in Shaun Marion (33) but hasn't done anything significant since Kidd. He made a comment about 'wanting' Lebron but didn't actually pursue him. This is the Mav's last run with a owner like Cuban too afraid to pull the big deal trigger.
San Antonio Spurs
Same deal. Seriously, the biggest signing is Antonio Mcdyess and/or Dejaun Blair. Honestly, that's like an old/young version of overrated overweight power forwards. Good work. Duncan is getting up there and he can't compete with the Lebrons, Howards, Gasols (both of them), or anybody else big. Basically, the Spurs have no size. and Tony Parker (Mr. Eva Longoria, you lucky asshole) has lost some of his step, which is too bad. cause he was actually good in a Derrick Rose before Derrick Rose way. five-ten years to reinvent the roster. We'll miss you every-other-year champs.
Honorable Mention
Toronto Raptors: replace Bosh and Hedo and do it quick. Or take ten years, whichever sounds better. You guys had a chance to be solid if you had a point.
Cleveland Cavaliers: you guys definitely have my sympathy because you are the definition of rebuilding. Just be patient, theres another Lebron working his way through school. I'll be eligible next year.
__________________________________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
So my next post might be about the cycle of a team, but for right now just go with me. It's a big year change for basketball: a lot of young teams are coming in and a lot of old teams are losing their stardom. I may talk about the young teams that are on their way up (*cough cough. Knicks. cough cough*) but this specific one is about the teams that are on their way out and need to make this season their best for a last chance title run.
Los Angeles Lakers
Phil Jackson is retiring at the end of this year. He has 11 rings, he's never coming back. He only came back this year because he wants to be the only coach EVER in ANY SPORT to say he has four 3-peats. That's right, FOUR. He's won the championship three times in a row four times. Thats kind of crazy.
Side Note: seriously, why aren't more teams incorporating the triangle offense. Get a Nikon and Bill Belichick that shit.
Kobe Bryant is 32, Pau Gasol is 30, and Derek Fisher is 36; and Derek is also thinking about asking for a trade to go to the Heat. fuckin' trader. I'm not even a Laker fan and I despise that. You've been on the team for your whole career, its not like you've never won one. YOU HAVE FIVE. and you'll probably get the sixth.
But anyway, the Lakers are aging and don't have a successor. Sasha Vuya-whatever is a flop and Lamar Odom fell off just shy of what Eddy Curry did. The Lakers are going to take five-ten years to reinvent their whole roster. But with the team they have now, they have a last chance run.
Boston Celtics
First off, I hate you Boston. I'm a Knick and Yankee fan so I hate everything about Boston. So on the bright side, Ray Allen is 35, KG is 34, Pierce is 33, and Shaq is 65.. but their silver lining is Rondo, Perkins, and Big Baby: who all come in at under 25. Rondo is arguably the number 1 PG in the league, but he can't do it by himself. The problem is Rondo's competitive nature and small stature will always make them a playoff team but as a bottom seed. So they are always going to be .500 and never get good draft picks. Remember the 20-something years when you guys sucked after Ron Mercer? Its coming back after this season.
Phoenix Suns
Amare left. YESSSSS!!! He's a Knick. and Nash is like 36. He plays like he's 26 but that wont last forever. After this season he's going to fall off, especially with NO HELP. I doubt you'll get to the West Finals again so honestly, last year was your last chance. I'm sorry Nash, you can come to the Knicks for a year if you want. We'll trade you for Eddy Curry since you guys need a center.
Dallas Mavericks
Honestly, the number one do or die team. They haven't done it in a while. Dirks like 35, Kidd's like 37, and the bench is all in their 30s. Mark Cuban doesn't have a single player younger than he is. Speaking of Mark, I don't think he's actually aggressively made a huge roster change in years. He's signed players and filled positions like bringing in Shaun Marion (33) but hasn't done anything significant since Kidd. He made a comment about 'wanting' Lebron but didn't actually pursue him. This is the Mav's last run with a owner like Cuban too afraid to pull the big deal trigger.
San Antonio Spurs
Same deal. Seriously, the biggest signing is Antonio Mcdyess and/or Dejaun Blair. Honestly, that's like an old/young version of overrated overweight power forwards. Good work. Duncan is getting up there and he can't compete with the Lebrons, Howards, Gasols (both of them), or anybody else big. Basically, the Spurs have no size. and Tony Parker (Mr. Eva Longoria, you lucky asshole) has lost some of his step, which is too bad. cause he was actually good in a Derrick Rose before Derrick Rose way. five-ten years to reinvent the roster. We'll miss you every-other-year champs.
Honorable Mention
Toronto Raptors: replace Bosh and Hedo and do it quick. Or take ten years, whichever sounds better. You guys had a chance to be solid if you had a point.
Cleveland Cavaliers: you guys definitely have my sympathy because you are the definition of rebuilding. Just be patient, theres another Lebron working his way through school. I'll be eligible next year.
__________________________________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Hello Expectations
I'm writing my sixth feature and its so average. I have no buildings being destroyed by terrorists or the main character getting martyred for an underlying MLK/ Malcolm X tone. When I send it to studios, nobody is going to say I'm the next Spike Lee or that I'm a fake ass Jason Statham. and I'm fine with that. As a matter of fact, I am doing my life story-or an alternative life.
Every summer when I get my tuition bill for the next year, I go through this 'I can't afford this' phase and think I'm going to have to drop out. So I imagine what would happen if I dropped out of school. Or if my mom got remarried. And what would happen if we moved... to Florida..
Thats what my feature is about. If I dropped out of school and had to move home with my mom in her new home in Florida with her new husband and my younger brothers and sisters. I take after my dad so much that my family and everybody in my hometown calls me 'Little Mike'. Throughout the movie, they call the main character that and he hates it. It's the only distinguishing fact that I'm home and not in the city any more. Its the difference of being treated like an adult and a high school kid in my eyes.
I have no intention of selling it. I'm not being a pessimist, it's more like a realistic thought. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So after not selling my first 5, why sell my 6th. But I love writing and I love drawing. Putting myself into a story helps me lose track of time. Its 4am now and I don't even think about it (besides this mention). I pick up smoking. I pick up running. Those two combinations are oil and vinegar but I need both of them just like I need writing.
____________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
Every summer when I get my tuition bill for the next year, I go through this 'I can't afford this' phase and think I'm going to have to drop out. So I imagine what would happen if I dropped out of school. Or if my mom got remarried. And what would happen if we moved... to Florida..
Thats what my feature is about. If I dropped out of school and had to move home with my mom in her new home in Florida with her new husband and my younger brothers and sisters. I take after my dad so much that my family and everybody in my hometown calls me 'Little Mike'. Throughout the movie, they call the main character that and he hates it. It's the only distinguishing fact that I'm home and not in the city any more. Its the difference of being treated like an adult and a high school kid in my eyes.
I have no intention of selling it. I'm not being a pessimist, it's more like a realistic thought. Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result. So after not selling my first 5, why sell my 6th. But I love writing and I love drawing. Putting myself into a story helps me lose track of time. Its 4am now and I don't even think about it (besides this mention). I pick up smoking. I pick up running. Those two combinations are oil and vinegar but I need both of them just like I need writing.
____________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Inspiration
I have written five very unsuccessful feature length screenplays and twenty-plus short stories that are sub-par. I can honestly say that some of them are so bad that I don't even keep a copy of them. I somehow managed to put most of them on my Writers Resume to make it look like my experience is greater than it already is (so what, everybody lies on resumes). And the funny part is I sent potential employers to this blog for my writing sample. So I don't really care if they know I have failed work. Cause I do.
I've been told 'no thanks' while pushing my work so much I started taking it personally which is the first cardinal sin in writing. As a matter of fact it is now 3:30 in the morning and I have class in the morning. My girlfriend just came out of the bedroom and asked me if I was coming to bed and I told her soon. I can't go to sleep because I'm thinking of how I could make my sixth feature script ground breaking. That's right, I haven't given up hope. Someone once said that prolific writers can write one script every year. Well I did 5 in 20 months and it'll probably be 6 scripts in 2 years (I'm going to hit that mark 4 months and 120 pages from now).
I started wondering what kept me going after rejection after rejection. It's been a hard 3 years of work so why am I so ready to start the 4th and thinking the 5th and 6th will be magical. Well let me tell you what it is: its The Flu Game.
You're probably wondering what the Flu Game is but you should probably already know. If you are a Bulls fan, you should be saying 'oh yeah' right now. If you are a basketball fan in the 90s, you should be saying 'oh yeah' right.............
NOW.
If you still don't get it, I'll explain it to you:
It was the 1997 NBA Finals ('oh yeah' yet?) and the series was tied 2-2. As every sports fan knows, in the playoffs they do best of seven series so it was the first to four wins. When a team is actually in the series, the strong belief is that 2 wins is great but 3 is even better. So of course both the Chicago Bulls and Utah Jazz were looking for that crucial advantage of 3 games. The first 2 games of the series were played in Chicago and won by them. The next 2 were played in Utah and also won by them bringing us to an even 2 tilt. The 5th game of the series would be played in Utah giving them the advantage; but the ultimate advantage would go to Chicago who got Game 6 and 7 on their home floor. Both the Bulls and Jazz had unbeaten records at home so the Jazz knew if they wanted to win they would have to seal one more at home and pull off an incredible upset in Chicago to win it all.
Michael Jordan wasn't having it.
It was a tuesday and Jordan woke up nauseated and barely able to sit up in bed. The team doctors declared that he had a stomach virus and it would be virtually impossible for him to play in game 5. The news that Jordan wasn't playing Game 5 made the Utah win seem even more plausible. The game was at 6pm and Jordan got out of bed for the first time at 4pm and made his way to the stadium.
He could barely stand during pregame and 'looked pale' before tipoff (he's black, so whats pale? Dark gray). It was said that Jordan lacked his explosive speed and strength that made him the best player in the NBA but he still played tough. During the game, he was hitting shots dunking the ball, and still being the best player on the court. During half-time and time-outs, he looked like he might pass out. Jordan scored 15 points in the fourth quarter and 38 for the entire game. The next highest score was opponent Karl Malone who had 19 points. The Bulls went on to win the game. It was the first time the Jazz had been beaten at home. The Bulls would turn around and win Game 6 at home to clinch their 5th National Championship of the decade.
I've been told 'no thanks' while pushing my work so much I started taking it personally which is the first cardinal sin in writing. As a matter of fact it is now 3:30 in the morning and I have class in the morning. My girlfriend just came out of the bedroom and asked me if I was coming to bed and I told her soon. I can't go to sleep because I'm thinking of how I could make my sixth feature script ground breaking. That's right, I haven't given up hope. Someone once said that prolific writers can write one script every year. Well I did 5 in 20 months and it'll probably be 6 scripts in 2 years (I'm going to hit that mark 4 months and 120 pages from now).
I started wondering what kept me going after rejection after rejection. It's been a hard 3 years of work so why am I so ready to start the 4th and thinking the 5th and 6th will be magical. Well let me tell you what it is: its The Flu Game.
You're probably wondering what the Flu Game is but you should probably already know. If you are a Bulls fan, you should be saying 'oh yeah' right now. If you are a basketball fan in the 90s, you should be saying 'oh yeah' right.............
NOW.
If you still don't get it, I'll explain it to you:
It was the 1997 NBA Finals ('oh yeah' yet?) and the series was tied 2-2. As every sports fan knows, in the playoffs they do best of seven series so it was the first to four wins. When a team is actually in the series, the strong belief is that 2 wins is great but 3 is even better. So of course both the Chicago Bulls and Utah Jazz were looking for that crucial advantage of 3 games. The first 2 games of the series were played in Chicago and won by them. The next 2 were played in Utah and also won by them bringing us to an even 2 tilt. The 5th game of the series would be played in Utah giving them the advantage; but the ultimate advantage would go to Chicago who got Game 6 and 7 on their home floor. Both the Bulls and Jazz had unbeaten records at home so the Jazz knew if they wanted to win they would have to seal one more at home and pull off an incredible upset in Chicago to win it all.
Michael Jordan wasn't having it.
It was a tuesday and Jordan woke up nauseated and barely able to sit up in bed. The team doctors declared that he had a stomach virus and it would be virtually impossible for him to play in game 5. The news that Jordan wasn't playing Game 5 made the Utah win seem even more plausible. The game was at 6pm and Jordan got out of bed for the first time at 4pm and made his way to the stadium.
He could barely stand during pregame and 'looked pale' before tipoff (he's black, so whats pale? Dark gray). It was said that Jordan lacked his explosive speed and strength that made him the best player in the NBA but he still played tough. During the game, he was hitting shots dunking the ball, and still being the best player on the court. During half-time and time-outs, he looked like he might pass out. Jordan scored 15 points in the fourth quarter and 38 for the entire game. The next highest score was opponent Karl Malone who had 19 points. The Bulls went on to win the game. It was the first time the Jazz had been beaten at home. The Bulls would turn around and win Game 6 at home to clinch their 5th National Championship of the decade.
Every time I start feeling like I can't do something, I think of this. People with masters and doctorate degrees and specialized in medial practices told Jordan that he couldn't play. His body told him that he could barely stand. So what did he do? He went out and proved the whole world wrong. And then he passed out. If I had double his strength and half his determination, what could I accomplish?
__________________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
Oh Em Gee. Do you know who we are?
So I was reading one of my classmates blogs and this kid really got me thinking.. Let me first start off saying that, although this kid will remain anonymous here (as in I wont say his name), I really like him (no homo). He's a good kid and a good writer; BUT I don't agree with him. In his blog post, he talked about how we as humans degenerated and we are now the worst generation and our music and movies prove it. I disagree.
I think we are the best generation. I think we show ingenuity. People say, 'look what used to be on TV. You can't beat Cheers or Beverly Hillbillies'. But I think we do. I think we put stuff on TV that doesn't compete and it gets off the air but we also put the best shows on TV too. Its called testing the market. That would be like Johnny Unitas saying, "your generation has Jamarcus Russel. Mankind is really going downhill". Well Johnny, we also got Peyton Manning; but you don't seem to notice that cause you're kind of a pessimist (no offense to Johnny Unitas).
I think movies like Inception could be considered the best of all time because of the sheer layers in the story. But instead we look at the time period when we name the best. I don't understand how Breathless by Jean-Luc Godard is considered as best as it can get because some arrogant guy cut up his own film with a pair of scissors.
I think we teach evolution and expect us to consider that the human race is getting better and say that we are now managing incredible technological advances and then say that our mind is degenerating. Our films are improving because we are learning from history.
I don't know what to tell you about music. But I think it kind of is just staying steady. I mean "do a little dance. make a little love. get down tonight" can't possibly be better OR worse than "you're a jerk. I know".
In the 60s they looked down on the hippies; in the 70s it was the disco. In the 80s it was the rock phase thing. In the 90s it was the millennium obsession. In the 2000s, its the cell phone craze. I think we have to accept the fact that people from the past generation will never understand the up-and-coming generation.
With that being said, you should probably know that 80s babies are still the best.
__________________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
I think we are the best generation. I think we show ingenuity. People say, 'look what used to be on TV. You can't beat Cheers or Beverly Hillbillies'. But I think we do. I think we put stuff on TV that doesn't compete and it gets off the air but we also put the best shows on TV too. Its called testing the market. That would be like Johnny Unitas saying, "your generation has Jamarcus Russel. Mankind is really going downhill". Well Johnny, we also got Peyton Manning; but you don't seem to notice that cause you're kind of a pessimist (no offense to Johnny Unitas).
I think movies like Inception could be considered the best of all time because of the sheer layers in the story. But instead we look at the time period when we name the best. I don't understand how Breathless by Jean-Luc Godard is considered as best as it can get because some arrogant guy cut up his own film with a pair of scissors.
I think we teach evolution and expect us to consider that the human race is getting better and say that we are now managing incredible technological advances and then say that our mind is degenerating. Our films are improving because we are learning from history.
I don't know what to tell you about music. But I think it kind of is just staying steady. I mean "do a little dance. make a little love. get down tonight" can't possibly be better OR worse than "you're a jerk. I know".
In the 60s they looked down on the hippies; in the 70s it was the disco. In the 80s it was the rock phase thing. In the 90s it was the millennium obsession. In the 2000s, its the cell phone craze. I think we have to accept the fact that people from the past generation will never understand the up-and-coming generation.
With that being said, you should probably know that 80s babies are still the best.
__________________________________________
*does anybody know what time it is?*
Friday, September 24, 2010
Girlfriend vs The Girl-friend
"The only thing to fear is fear itself"-Franklin D. Roosevelt
Have you ever wanted to say something awesomely creative that would stick with people and make them think youre a genuis? Yeah, me too. I've been working on something along the lines of if theres a space between girl and friend, keep your space-something like that. It's kinda lame but you know, whatever; its a work in progress. Speaking of which, I'm kind of a veteran on what the hyphen means between girl and friend. I've had plenty of girl-friends and plenty of girlfriends. I've also lived with both kinds.
The girl-friend is someone you are close to but have never put your you know what in her holiest of holies. I lived with my girl-friend last year and let me tell you, I learned alot. Before we moved in, we would talk about our girlfriends and boyfriends, respectively, and problems we were having. At the time, she hated my girlfriend and I hated her douchebag boyfriend. She would constantly ask me when I was breaking up with my girlfriend cause she was wrong for me. I would lie to her and be like, 'soon. real soon'. But her boyfriend told her he didn't want her hanging out with me. All because I told her mom that I wasn't her boyfriend and it was 'that guy' *in a pointing gesture). This douche bag was such a loser. I hated that guy. But I digress.. my girl-friend was believed by many to be my girlfriend cause we spent so much time together but that wasn't true. The hyphen gave me a free pass to ask as much about women as I wanted without a disapproving look.
The point of a girl-friend is to learn as much as you can about women. Trust me on that one. Dudes would insult me like, 'are u hittin that?' and I would be lik 'no, shes just a friend'. Most people didn't understand, I guess. But by not sleeping with her, ever, I could ask her questions about what she liked and it wasn't awkward cause of our non-history. It was great. The only problem with a girl-friend though is the girlfriend, no hyphen.
The girlfriend is pretty self explanatory. People have been having girlfriends since before marriage was instituted. But the girlfriend hates the girl-friend because of the undisclosed closeness the girlfriend will never receive. I have a girlfriend now that I live with but I don't think I could ever ask her some of the questions I asked my girl-friend last year. Not like my girlfriend isn't awesome, but since we are sleeping together on a pretty much nightly basis I can't ask her certain stuff. Does that sound weird? Saying it out loud makes it sound weird.
Most men treat women like sport, so let me explain it like this: the girl-friend is training camp. Her sole purpose is to see your strengths and weaknesses. You can test your young rookies and bench players or test the soreness on your veterans. Its a great learning experience that will help you in the regular season. The girlfriend is the regular season. The one you try hard with. If you have a great start, youre going to go deep into the playoffs but if you have a rocky start, youre going to be a bubble team. Bubble teams are struggling teams that at the end of the season have to put it all on the line just to reach the playoffs. Some teams make it, most teams don't. An example of bubble teams are last years Toronto Raptors and Chicago Bulls. Both teams had tying records with 4 games left in the season, including one against each other. The Bulls went 3-1 and the Raptors went 1-3. Guess who won the last playoff spot?
The playoffs are engagement. You worked hard all season to get here and its win or go home. You're not in the clear yet and it only gets tougher from here on in...
This analogy is going way too long, but you get the point, right? The girl-friend is preseason and the girlfriend is the regular season. Guess which one matters more? That's right, neither one of them do. Without the preseason you would never have a good regular season because you never learned your strengths and weaknesses in training camp. Without the regular season, the preseason is just a waste of time.
So you need both in your life. One comes before the other but they both help each other. And a special shout out to my best friend who now lives in Italy and my girlfriend who now lives with me. I love both of you.
______________________________________________________________
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
Have you ever wanted to say something awesomely creative that would stick with people and make them think youre a genuis? Yeah, me too. I've been working on something along the lines of if theres a space between girl and friend, keep your space-something like that. It's kinda lame but you know, whatever; its a work in progress. Speaking of which, I'm kind of a veteran on what the hyphen means between girl and friend. I've had plenty of girl-friends and plenty of girlfriends. I've also lived with both kinds.
The girl-friend is someone you are close to but have never put your you know what in her holiest of holies. I lived with my girl-friend last year and let me tell you, I learned alot. Before we moved in, we would talk about our girlfriends and boyfriends, respectively, and problems we were having. At the time, she hated my girlfriend and I hated her douchebag boyfriend. She would constantly ask me when I was breaking up with my girlfriend cause she was wrong for me. I would lie to her and be like, 'soon. real soon'. But her boyfriend told her he didn't want her hanging out with me. All because I told her mom that I wasn't her boyfriend and it was 'that guy' *in a pointing gesture). This douche bag was such a loser. I hated that guy. But I digress.. my girl-friend was believed by many to be my girlfriend cause we spent so much time together but that wasn't true. The hyphen gave me a free pass to ask as much about women as I wanted without a disapproving look.
The point of a girl-friend is to learn as much as you can about women. Trust me on that one. Dudes would insult me like, 'are u hittin that?' and I would be lik 'no, shes just a friend'. Most people didn't understand, I guess. But by not sleeping with her, ever, I could ask her questions about what she liked and it wasn't awkward cause of our non-history. It was great. The only problem with a girl-friend though is the girlfriend, no hyphen.
The girlfriend is pretty self explanatory. People have been having girlfriends since before marriage was instituted. But the girlfriend hates the girl-friend because of the undisclosed closeness the girlfriend will never receive. I have a girlfriend now that I live with but I don't think I could ever ask her some of the questions I asked my girl-friend last year. Not like my girlfriend isn't awesome, but since we are sleeping together on a pretty much nightly basis I can't ask her certain stuff. Does that sound weird? Saying it out loud makes it sound weird.
Most men treat women like sport, so let me explain it like this: the girl-friend is training camp. Her sole purpose is to see your strengths and weaknesses. You can test your young rookies and bench players or test the soreness on your veterans. Its a great learning experience that will help you in the regular season. The girlfriend is the regular season. The one you try hard with. If you have a great start, youre going to go deep into the playoffs but if you have a rocky start, youre going to be a bubble team. Bubble teams are struggling teams that at the end of the season have to put it all on the line just to reach the playoffs. Some teams make it, most teams don't. An example of bubble teams are last years Toronto Raptors and Chicago Bulls. Both teams had tying records with 4 games left in the season, including one against each other. The Bulls went 3-1 and the Raptors went 1-3. Guess who won the last playoff spot?
The playoffs are engagement. You worked hard all season to get here and its win or go home. You're not in the clear yet and it only gets tougher from here on in...
This analogy is going way too long, but you get the point, right? The girl-friend is preseason and the girlfriend is the regular season. Guess which one matters more? That's right, neither one of them do. Without the preseason you would never have a good regular season because you never learned your strengths and weaknesses in training camp. Without the regular season, the preseason is just a waste of time.
So you need both in your life. One comes before the other but they both help each other. And a special shout out to my best friend who now lives in Italy and my girlfriend who now lives with me. I love both of you.
______________________________________________________________
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Life Lessons and Shit I've Learned From Billionaires.
I want to be a billionaire... so fuckin bad... is a good July 2010 song but it wont ever be anything more. It wont be a timeless classic like Stairway to Heaven or Dead Presidents. Unfortunately for Bruno Mars, he wont ever be anything more than a featured hook artist singing on trendy songs. As for Travie McCoy, he wont amount to anything more than a rap/rock combo artist. But I'm honestly not trying to do a music review, thats not what this shit is about-its about well known celebrities: or billionaires.
You know that saying "your first million is the hardest", I hate that quote but believe me they weren't kidding; breaking a million is hard. Breaking a hundred million is pure genius and the billion mark: creativity and originality far beyond the competition. Billionaires come in two types: corporate tycoons that engineer hostile takeovers and stay out of the public eye because they're responsible for putting anti-freeze in baby food and then there are celebrities. Celebrity billionaires tend to either be loved by the public or hated by the people, but yet still heavily sponsored.
So here is a list of 7 Celebrity billionaires thats public life stories has helped me figure out how to live my life. Warning: Not everybody on this list is a billionaire or a hundred millionaire-just work with me, okay.
1. Oprah. Oprah invented the talk show (I think) and she has led the way in ratings taking a huge lead at number 1. I don't think people outside of the Nielsen's ratings know who is coming in at number 2. You want to know why? Because Oprah loves her audience. She gives them interesting topics (if you like her show). But more importantly, she gives the audience gifts for coming to the show.
Life Lesson: Give your supporters gifts to ensure their loyalty
2. Michael Jordan. Jordan became the first billionaire athlete but he was already retired. With all of the signed endorsements and clothing line, the guy made 2.4 billion off Nike alone. When Jordan signed with the Bulls his rookie year, he was given a shoe contract with Nike for 2.5 million. Nike shoe stylists made the Air Jordan 1 a black and red color, making it the first non-white basketball shoe. The NBA banned the shoe and Jordan was fined $5000 a game for wearing them. Jordan was averaging 28.2 PPG while wearing them, which only helped to actually sell the shoe. I have like 8 pairs of Jordans.
Life Lesson: When you're the best, the rules simply don't apply to you
3. Jay-Z. Jay Z is probably a billionaire or something close to it. Before HOV's retirement in 2003, he managed to do 16 albums in 9 years, which was well above the industry's average of one album every 2-3 years. Jay-Z became the biggest rapper in history because his work ethic was well above everyone elses. When he came back in 2006, he has done 5 albums in 5 years: and he's like 40+.. He's like the black Brett Farve.
Life Lesson: Work ethic should be well above everybody elses
4. Bill Gates. Bill Gates invented microsoft and sponsored the first functional computer and has led the way in engineering the newest technology (besides the ipod). Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard to schedule an appointment with Altair because he was that confident his idea would sell. I'm sure by 'dropping out', he missed like 2 days of class and would have gone back if it hadn't panned out. But anyways..
Life Lesson: Lead the learning curve
*The last three billionaires are what I call "bad influences". Warning: don't let your mom know you hang out with these guys*
5. Lebron James. Lebron is considered the best player in the NBA. This offseason, on live TV, he shunned his team, and joined the Miami Heat simply to win championships. A lot of experts now say Lebron's legacy will be convoluted if he wins a title there because of the talent surrounding him.
Life Lesson: Never shit on your home town. Speaking of which, I got you Barre.
Side note to Lebron: its seriously not to late to go to the Knicks. The Heat are going to need a center after Udonis Haslem's arrest.. we'll trade you for Eddy Curry.
6. Tiger "I fucked your favorite pornstar" Woods. I have nothing to say Tiger.
Life Lesson: don't cheat on your wife. Keep up the happy home.
7. Scarface. I really don't know why I have Tony Montana in the negatives list. But I will kill you if you sleep with my sister...Yeah, I'm talking to you Crystle's boyfriend.
HONORABLE MENTION
Shaq: Your career wont last forever. Have a fall back plan and be better at it.
Drake: Sometimes when you chase your dream, you have to take a job you really don't want for a few years just so that you're closer to that specific dream. (I never watched Degrassi)
Justin Bieber: Wait til your voice develops before you speak in public.
Usher: Seriously, don't cheat on your wife.
Thats my list. If you learn any lessons from any other billionaires, please let me know.
________________________________________________
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
You know that saying "your first million is the hardest", I hate that quote but believe me they weren't kidding; breaking a million is hard. Breaking a hundred million is pure genius and the billion mark: creativity and originality far beyond the competition. Billionaires come in two types: corporate tycoons that engineer hostile takeovers and stay out of the public eye because they're responsible for putting anti-freeze in baby food and then there are celebrities. Celebrity billionaires tend to either be loved by the public or hated by the people, but yet still heavily sponsored.
So here is a list of 7 Celebrity billionaires thats public life stories has helped me figure out how to live my life. Warning: Not everybody on this list is a billionaire or a hundred millionaire-just work with me, okay.
1. Oprah. Oprah invented the talk show (I think) and she has led the way in ratings taking a huge lead at number 1. I don't think people outside of the Nielsen's ratings know who is coming in at number 2. You want to know why? Because Oprah loves her audience. She gives them interesting topics (if you like her show). But more importantly, she gives the audience gifts for coming to the show.
Life Lesson: Give your supporters gifts to ensure their loyalty
2. Michael Jordan. Jordan became the first billionaire athlete but he was already retired. With all of the signed endorsements and clothing line, the guy made 2.4 billion off Nike alone. When Jordan signed with the Bulls his rookie year, he was given a shoe contract with Nike for 2.5 million. Nike shoe stylists made the Air Jordan 1 a black and red color, making it the first non-white basketball shoe. The NBA banned the shoe and Jordan was fined $5000 a game for wearing them. Jordan was averaging 28.2 PPG while wearing them, which only helped to actually sell the shoe. I have like 8 pairs of Jordans.
Life Lesson: When you're the best, the rules simply don't apply to you
3. Jay-Z. Jay Z is probably a billionaire or something close to it. Before HOV's retirement in 2003, he managed to do 16 albums in 9 years, which was well above the industry's average of one album every 2-3 years. Jay-Z became the biggest rapper in history because his work ethic was well above everyone elses. When he came back in 2006, he has done 5 albums in 5 years: and he's like 40+.. He's like the black Brett Farve.
Life Lesson: Work ethic should be well above everybody elses
4. Bill Gates. Bill Gates invented microsoft and sponsored the first functional computer and has led the way in engineering the newest technology (besides the ipod). Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard to schedule an appointment with Altair because he was that confident his idea would sell. I'm sure by 'dropping out', he missed like 2 days of class and would have gone back if it hadn't panned out. But anyways..
Life Lesson: Lead the learning curve
*The last three billionaires are what I call "bad influences". Warning: don't let your mom know you hang out with these guys*
5. Lebron James. Lebron is considered the best player in the NBA. This offseason, on live TV, he shunned his team, and joined the Miami Heat simply to win championships. A lot of experts now say Lebron's legacy will be convoluted if he wins a title there because of the talent surrounding him.
Life Lesson: Never shit on your home town. Speaking of which, I got you Barre.
Side note to Lebron: its seriously not to late to go to the Knicks. The Heat are going to need a center after Udonis Haslem's arrest.. we'll trade you for Eddy Curry.
6. Tiger "I fucked your favorite pornstar" Woods. I have nothing to say Tiger.
Life Lesson: don't cheat on your wife. Keep up the happy home.
7. Scarface. I really don't know why I have Tony Montana in the negatives list. But I will kill you if you sleep with my sister...Yeah, I'm talking to you Crystle's boyfriend.
HONORABLE MENTION
Shaq: Your career wont last forever. Have a fall back plan and be better at it.
Drake: Sometimes when you chase your dream, you have to take a job you really don't want for a few years just so that you're closer to that specific dream. (I never watched Degrassi)
Justin Bieber: Wait til your voice develops before you speak in public.
Usher: Seriously, don't cheat on your wife.
Thats my list. If you learn any lessons from any other billionaires, please let me know.
________________________________________________
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
The 5 Types of Teachers You'll Get In College
Its the end of summer/beginning of fall a.k.a the beginning of school. Its that time of year when us students take our calendars and alarm clocks out of storage and retire our khaki shorts. Unfortunately, the $10 beach parking is replaced with $150 text books. It sucks.
One cool thing about being an adult is you're always working at your job so you wont have to do this transition every may and august. The one shitty thing about being an adult is you get to transition into summer break like students can.
I'm a senior in college this year which translates to about 17 years of schooling experience and little else. I've had many classes, classes that range in difficulty have come and gone and I've somewhat passed all of them. I've had some that I've attended approximately 25% of the classes, never did homework, and walked away with a B+. I've also had other classes that I put hours into the homework. I've stressed and pulled my hair out (just kidding, I'm bald) and I've happily walked away with a D. Any veteran student is the same way. They can tell you what teachers to take or avoid and what schedule load is adequate to maintain sanity.
I'm that student. I'm the student that uses my intuition to study teachers and their expectations for my advantages. I guess I could take my time and energy and put it into my school work, but why would I. My reasoning is why would you want to put 115% of your work ethic into a class when you really don't have to? Some of my teachers like me to write novels when I answer questions about my homework; other teachers just want me to compliment their high heels. So I've made a list of the five types of teachers that you are going to meet while you are in college. Warning: this list probably doesn't apply to high school teachers because they don't give a shit about their job or the snot nosed kids that they teach.
1. The Cool One
The cool teacher is everybody's friend. He went to this college where he majored in basket weaving and partying. He is the 40 year old version of the pot head that sits in the back of the room. The cool one can relate to everybody. He understands how we balance classes, parties, and work and adjusts his homework assignments accordingly. He announces on the first day that 'we realllly don't neeeeed the textbook" and we should spend our money on more important things: like a new bong. He just wants to be the role model... and he also wants to buy beer for the freshmen so he can get a facebook e-vite to the parties.
2. The Creepy One
The creepy teacher can be either gender, unlike the cool one who is predominantly male. The creepy teacher is mid 40s and probably divorced. They just want some companionship. Male creepy teachers tend to ace their female students. Which is honestly kind of dumb, if I was a creepy old man, I would put the pretty girls on borderline failing.. that way I can tutor them and then I could bang them for their good grades.... no I'm just kidding, I really don't think life is like a porno... But anyway, female creepy teachers ace everybody-male or female. Kinda like the cool teacher, they just want to be liked. Be polite to them, compliment them in a sincere way, raise your hand and answer in-class questions; just throw them a freakin bone. These teachers require very little work to actually pass. Just compliment her shoes or his blazer. B+ average: here I come.
3. The Old and Bitter One
The old and bitter one hates his job just as much as he hates the new generation. Back in his day, they could buy soda for a third of a penny and tuition was four bucks. Now everything is so damn expensive and these damn kids are hoodlums with their drugs and sex and black Presidents. On the first day he says lines like "we'll be lucky if three of you pass", and he means it. If you have the O&B teacher, drop his class immediately: otherwise work real hard for that D.
4. The Old One That Tries To Be Cool
This old guy or gal likes to make jokes that sound like they come straight off a Leave It To Beaver episode. That was rude of me, I'm sorry. This teacher is usually funny because he tries so hard. So cut him some slack and he will cut you some. Be prepared to turn in your assignments late and not get penalized for it. Do an average amount of work and you will walk away with a C.
5. The One That Doesn't Know Anything and Doesn't Care
I once had a teacher that cancelled class on Week 1. Week 2 she came in, handed out the syllabus and told us they forced her to pick up the class last minute. She didn't know anything about the subject but there had been some layoffs and here she was. Long story short: JACKPOT, BABY! This teacher doesn't want to be here and doesn't expect you to care either. You are looking at a quick A because 90% of your grade is attendance and 10% is in class homework. Warning: if you actually want to learn, you're screwed.
This is my list of five teachers that you'll run into. You should probably buy a college survival guideline and study it so that your four years doesn't turn into five or six. Or worse yet, you turn into that one guy from your hometown who flunked out. Good luck freshmen; Finish strong seniors.
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
One cool thing about being an adult is you're always working at your job so you wont have to do this transition every may and august. The one shitty thing about being an adult is you get to transition into summer break like students can.
I'm a senior in college this year which translates to about 17 years of schooling experience and little else. I've had many classes, classes that range in difficulty have come and gone and I've somewhat passed all of them. I've had some that I've attended approximately 25% of the classes, never did homework, and walked away with a B+. I've also had other classes that I put hours into the homework. I've stressed and pulled my hair out (just kidding, I'm bald) and I've happily walked away with a D. Any veteran student is the same way. They can tell you what teachers to take or avoid and what schedule load is adequate to maintain sanity.
I'm that student. I'm the student that uses my intuition to study teachers and their expectations for my advantages. I guess I could take my time and energy and put it into my school work, but why would I. My reasoning is why would you want to put 115% of your work ethic into a class when you really don't have to? Some of my teachers like me to write novels when I answer questions about my homework; other teachers just want me to compliment their high heels. So I've made a list of the five types of teachers that you are going to meet while you are in college. Warning: this list probably doesn't apply to high school teachers because they don't give a shit about their job or the snot nosed kids that they teach.
1. The Cool One
The cool teacher is everybody's friend. He went to this college where he majored in basket weaving and partying. He is the 40 year old version of the pot head that sits in the back of the room. The cool one can relate to everybody. He understands how we balance classes, parties, and work and adjusts his homework assignments accordingly. He announces on the first day that 'we realllly don't neeeeed the textbook" and we should spend our money on more important things: like a new bong. He just wants to be the role model... and he also wants to buy beer for the freshmen so he can get a facebook e-vite to the parties.
2. The Creepy One
The creepy teacher can be either gender, unlike the cool one who is predominantly male. The creepy teacher is mid 40s and probably divorced. They just want some companionship. Male creepy teachers tend to ace their female students. Which is honestly kind of dumb, if I was a creepy old man, I would put the pretty girls on borderline failing.. that way I can tutor them and then I could bang them for their good grades.... no I'm just kidding, I really don't think life is like a porno... But anyway, female creepy teachers ace everybody-male or female. Kinda like the cool teacher, they just want to be liked. Be polite to them, compliment them in a sincere way, raise your hand and answer in-class questions; just throw them a freakin bone. These teachers require very little work to actually pass. Just compliment her shoes or his blazer. B+ average: here I come.
3. The Old and Bitter One
The old and bitter one hates his job just as much as he hates the new generation. Back in his day, they could buy soda for a third of a penny and tuition was four bucks. Now everything is so damn expensive and these damn kids are hoodlums with their drugs and sex and black Presidents. On the first day he says lines like "we'll be lucky if three of you pass", and he means it. If you have the O&B teacher, drop his class immediately: otherwise work real hard for that D.
4. The Old One That Tries To Be Cool
This old guy or gal likes to make jokes that sound like they come straight off a Leave It To Beaver episode. That was rude of me, I'm sorry. This teacher is usually funny because he tries so hard. So cut him some slack and he will cut you some. Be prepared to turn in your assignments late and not get penalized for it. Do an average amount of work and you will walk away with a C.
5. The One That Doesn't Know Anything and Doesn't Care
I once had a teacher that cancelled class on Week 1. Week 2 she came in, handed out the syllabus and told us they forced her to pick up the class last minute. She didn't know anything about the subject but there had been some layoffs and here she was. Long story short: JACKPOT, BABY! This teacher doesn't want to be here and doesn't expect you to care either. You are looking at a quick A because 90% of your grade is attendance and 10% is in class homework. Warning: if you actually want to learn, you're screwed.
This is my list of five teachers that you'll run into. You should probably buy a college survival guideline and study it so that your four years doesn't turn into five or six. Or worse yet, you turn into that one guy from your hometown who flunked out. Good luck freshmen; Finish strong seniors.
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
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