Its the end of summer/beginning of fall a.k.a the beginning of school. Its that time of year when us students take our calendars and alarm clocks out of storage and retire our khaki shorts. Unfortunately, the $10 beach parking is replaced with $150 text books. It sucks.
One cool thing about being an adult is you're always working at your job so you wont have to do this transition every may and august. The one shitty thing about being an adult is you get to transition into summer break like students can.
I'm a senior in college this year which translates to about 17 years of schooling experience and little else. I've had many classes, classes that range in difficulty have come and gone and I've somewhat passed all of them. I've had some that I've attended approximately 25% of the classes, never did homework, and walked away with a B+. I've also had other classes that I put hours into the homework. I've stressed and pulled my hair out (just kidding, I'm bald) and I've happily walked away with a D. Any veteran student is the same way. They can tell you what teachers to take or avoid and what schedule load is adequate to maintain sanity.
I'm that student. I'm the student that uses my intuition to study teachers and their expectations for my advantages. I guess I could take my time and energy and put it into my school work, but why would I. My reasoning is why would you want to put 115% of your work ethic into a class when you really don't have to? Some of my teachers like me to write novels when I answer questions about my homework; other teachers just want me to compliment their high heels. So I've made a list of the five types of teachers that you are going to meet while you are in college. Warning: this list probably doesn't apply to high school teachers because they don't give a shit about their job or the snot nosed kids that they teach.
1. The Cool One
The cool teacher is everybody's friend. He went to this college where he majored in basket weaving and partying. He is the 40 year old version of the pot head that sits in the back of the room. The cool one can relate to everybody. He understands how we balance classes, parties, and work and adjusts his homework assignments accordingly. He announces on the first day that 'we realllly don't neeeeed the textbook" and we should spend our money on more important things: like a new bong. He just wants to be the role model... and he also wants to buy beer for the freshmen so he can get a facebook e-vite to the parties.
2. The Creepy One
The creepy teacher can be either gender, unlike the cool one who is predominantly male. The creepy teacher is mid 40s and probably divorced. They just want some companionship. Male creepy teachers tend to ace their female students. Which is honestly kind of dumb, if I was a creepy old man, I would put the pretty girls on borderline failing.. that way I can tutor them and then I could bang them for their good grades.... no I'm just kidding, I really don't think life is like a porno... But anyway, female creepy teachers ace everybody-male or female. Kinda like the cool teacher, they just want to be liked. Be polite to them, compliment them in a sincere way, raise your hand and answer in-class questions; just throw them a freakin bone. These teachers require very little work to actually pass. Just compliment her shoes or his blazer. B+ average: here I come.
3. The Old and Bitter One
The old and bitter one hates his job just as much as he hates the new generation. Back in his day, they could buy soda for a third of a penny and tuition was four bucks. Now everything is so damn expensive and these damn kids are hoodlums with their drugs and sex and black Presidents. On the first day he says lines like "we'll be lucky if three of you pass", and he means it. If you have the O&B teacher, drop his class immediately: otherwise work real hard for that D.
4. The Old One That Tries To Be Cool
This old guy or gal likes to make jokes that sound like they come straight off a Leave It To Beaver episode. That was rude of me, I'm sorry. This teacher is usually funny because he tries so hard. So cut him some slack and he will cut you some. Be prepared to turn in your assignments late and not get penalized for it. Do an average amount of work and you will walk away with a C.
5. The One That Doesn't Know Anything and Doesn't Care
I once had a teacher that cancelled class on Week 1. Week 2 she came in, handed out the syllabus and told us they forced her to pick up the class last minute. She didn't know anything about the subject but there had been some layoffs and here she was. Long story short: JACKPOT, BABY! This teacher doesn't want to be here and doesn't expect you to care either. You are looking at a quick A because 90% of your grade is attendance and 10% is in class homework. Warning: if you actually want to learn, you're screwed.
This is my list of five teachers that you'll run into. You should probably buy a college survival guideline and study it so that your four years doesn't turn into five or six. Or worse yet, you turn into that one guy from your hometown who flunked out. Good luck freshmen; Finish strong seniors.
*Does anybody know what time it is?*
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